In case you missed it, Obama's Christmas speech...
Some would say we are helpless to fight the tyranny of Santa and must do nothing, lest he harms our kids; others say we must end Christmas and abolish all gift-giving. This is a false choice. We can have Christmas and presents, and we can be free of the judgmental madman known as Santa. What we need is a government takeover of the Christmas business.
The government has always made knowing the needs of its citizens its specialty, and the FBI already has extensive files on everyone, so we know who is naughty and who is nice. So what entity is better qualified to give gifts to all of its citizens? Plus, our methods would be open to the public — to a certain extent (you may need to file an FOIA request). Furthermore, we would make sure everyone receives gifts. Everyone. And best of all, it will be deficit neutral. In fact, it will actually reduce the deficit through efficiencies and through confiscating magic fairy dust from the North Pole and applying it to the budget.
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