December, 2008 (Bloomberg)—After a successful hostile takeover of U.S. bank Citigroup, the Somali pirates are on track to secure a seat in the United States Senate. According to Pirate spokesman Ali Hashimi Mohammed, capital secured by Citigroup from the U.S. Treasury’s TARP program along with the booty of various captured ships is being used to finance a leveraged buyout of the seat previously occupied by President-elect Barack Obama. A letter of intent seen by Bloomberg puts the acquisition price at $1.2 trillion.
In a wiretapped conversation with Mohammed, embattled Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich said the seat “is a f****** valuable thing, you don’t just give it away for nothing.”
Mohammed countered that Citigroup’s corporate charter, now controlled by the Pirates, is itself “pretty f****** vaulable.”
Avast me hearties! Hoist the colors! T' scurvy land lubbers are givin' away the Motherlode. Arrr.
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